Legacy

Moving forward. A phrase that one in grief hears over and over as well-meaning individuals around them try to offer words of encouragement. That saying can be painful though. We dig our heels in to try to prevent the world at large from continuing on, in an attempt to hold onto those we so desperately love. Part of giving ourselves permission to release that grip comes from trying to figure out how to carry your loved one along with you as the universe drags you forward. As seasons, people and life experiences change your person remains unaltered. They will always be the same age, the same size, and have the same interests and unfinished dreams. Figuring out how to bring those we love into a changing world as unchanged people can be so difficult, painful and confusing. How do they continue to be a part of our lives? How do we allow them to continue to impact the world they will never see? How do we find purpose in the life of someone who is physically no longer here? When you love someone so much you can’t help but want to make sure that they can still touch lives in a meaningful way. You fiercely fight for their memory to never be forgotten. After John died I was overwhelmingly fearful that this would become his fate, despite his larger-than-life personality and what he contributed to and how he impacted the lives of so many in his 47 years. I felt like it was now my job to make sure that John was always alive in the thoughts and constantly celebrated in the lives of everyone he had known. Our family set up a scholarship in his name for the nurses in the ICU where he worked to assist with advanced education since ongoing learning, no matter the format, was so important to John. Initially doing that brought me such peace, but that feeling faded over time as it wasn't helpful in my everyday life. I came to understand that it is, in fact, the everyday moments where we engage with people that truly allows our loved one’s legacy to be born. A tattoo that I had done in memory of John allows me to introduce complete strangers to him when asked about it. I am able to take the things he taught me as a nurse and implement it into my own practice, thereby continuing his ability to care for others. Our family has picked up where he left off by cheering for the Boston Bruins...sometimes.  A legacy, as I once believed, is not about the grand celebrations, but more about the small everyday gestures and experiences that allow us to continue to let our loved ones live in the world. Attempting to grasp what your loved one’s legacy looks like is something that evolves over time. As grief changes, as memories appear or fade, as we spend time with others who loved our person, the clarity of how we share them and how they continue to influence the lives of others grows. A legacy is about WHO our person is and allowing ourselves to continue sharing our passions, spirit and love in the connections we experience each day.