Grief and the Pandemic

Grief and The Pandemic I remember vividly. It was Thursday evening, March 12th 2020. The World Health Organization had revealed that we were in the midst of a pandemic and our politicians were announcing decisions to shut down our society as we knew it. My kids were at hockey practice so I headed to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things. I was confronted by the chaos of shoppers desperately stocking up for an unknown future. The people, the line-ups, the noise...the toilet paper!!! Overwhelmed, I did a u-turn and walked out. Driving away I realized that the flood of emotions that were spinning around within me was very familiar - they were the emotions that we associate with grief. Over the last several months most of us have experienced anxiety, a sense of loss, frustration or anger, a change in our relationships, and uncertainty about the future. In the words of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, our lives have been “flipped-turned upside down”. There is not one part of our everyday lives that the Covid-19 pandemic has not touched.

Even the basic interactions we are used to every day now appear completely different. The spacing between people, the loss of our ability to participate in the activities we enjoy, the inability to congregate with those we love in a familiar way - the changes have been immense. Almost all of this can be mirrored in the dark experiences of grief. One of the biggest adjustments we face is that we now must wear masks everywhere. It can be said that those who carry grief constantly wear a mask, in a figurative way. The fake smiles, interacting with people when we don’t want to and saying “I’m fine” more times than we can count to hide the continual ache of our broken hearts. A funny thing happened a few weeks into the Covid pandemic. As time went on I actually felt more comfortable in the new mandatory face coverings. They hide my sadness and provide an odd sense of security from anyone being able to see how much pain there is some days. It acts as a barrier preventing my grief from escaping and the judgement of the world from coming in. As it has been said over and over, these are unprecedented times. When confronted with grief, the pandemic has forced us to adapt, take stock and evaluate the important elements of our lives and to give into the uncertainty of what lies ahead. We will carry the experiences of these times forward with us in the same way we carry the memories and love of those who are no longer here.